Grasping Liquid - Part One

It came as a surprise to everyone when Crow told them that he was leaving.

He'd gathered the other Black Ravens in the auction room one morning. They could tell this wasn't going to be the usual talk about inventory levels or costumes needing to be fixed. Something heavy lay in the atmosphere as they sat there, exchanging nervous glances between themselves.

When the news broke, there was a very vocal outcry.

“I ain't leavin' forever!” Crow called out, motioning with his hands for them to settle, “Just a few weeks. Maybe a month or two at most. It's not as if we're disbandin', it's just a little break.”

“And how come we only have a break when you decide you wanna leave?” demanded Roddy.

“Ya welcome to keep going without me,” Crow coldly informed.

“We could do and all! We've got Wren's brains and Badger's much better at running around in the costume than you are!” Roddy snapped, not backing down.

Marilyn lay a hand on his arm to settle him; “What Roddy means to say is that we aren't Black Ravens without all of us. We wouldn't want to continue without you.”

“Then I'm sorry to 'ave put ya in that position, but I'm still leavin',” concluded Crow, “I'm goin' tomorrow, so there's still a bit o' time for any o' ya to come sort stuff out with me if ya do wanna keep this place runnin' while I'm gone.”

With that he turned and headed through to the back room. Crow always was one for dramatics. And his exit did indeed leave the others talking frantically amongst themselves. What was Crow thinking? Why was he leaving? Where was he going? And why didn't he know when he'd be back?

The only person who didn't say single a word the entire time they were there was Badger. Certainly these thoughts were running through his head, but he didn't want to talk about them with anyone other than Crow. So he sat in one of the seats, staring at the door Crow had gone through until everyone else had eventually left. The last few were ushered out by Marilyn, who had a good instinct for knowing when people needed to talk.

Badger continued to sit there in silence until the door to the stock room cracked open again. It was just like Crow to storm off and act as if he was busy, when in truth he was only waiting until everyone had left so that he could slink away.

“Hey,” Badger muttered, before he had a chance to retreat back into the other room again.

“Oh, hey Badge'. Didn't think anyone was still out 'ere,” Crow replied, stepping out onto the stage now that he knew he'd been caught.

“Got nowhere else t' be now, 'ave I?” he accused.

“Don't be like that,” Crow sighed, walking over and taking a seat on the edge of the stage, opposite where Badger was sat, “I'm not doin' this to 'urt any o' ya. It's just somethin' I need to do.”

“Why do ya need to do it then?” Badger checked, glaring out from under his mess of hair, “An' why couldn't ya 'ave talked t' any of us about it first.”

Why couldn't you have talked to me? That was the question he really wanted to ask.

“Please, I just... really need space right now. I've only ever been in Mist'allery my whole life an' I don't 'ave the space to grow 'ere any more. We've all mastered these streets, Badge'. But most o' ya 'ave been to other places. I 'aven't. Never once left Mist'allery,” Crow explained, “An' I've been wantin' to go somewhere for a long time, but I didn't wanna cause any bother for the rest o' ya. So I kept puttin' it off, until I realised that I'd never do it if I didn't do it soon.”

“An' ya couldn't tell of us this because...?” pressed Badger.

“I didn't want ya to stop me,” Crow confessed.

“Ya great twit,” sighed Badger, pulling himself up off the chair and walking over, “We wouldn't 'ave stopped ya, but we might 'ave been able to help if ya'd told us. Would've avoided that awful fuss back there. But then, ya like makin' fusses, don't ya?”

Crow didn't meet his eye, but he was smirking down at the ground in response to that.

“It's done now,” he mumbled, “Just got to get ready for tomorrow, since there's no goin' back.”

“Suppose so...” Badger reluctantly agreed.

He watched with some sadness as Crow, who obviously felt this discussion was concluded, got up and headed away from him, off towards the door. This was really it. He was really leaving and none of them knew when he'd be back. Maybe the others wouldn't stick around once Crow was gone either. They might all find other places they wanted to go to as well. That grim thought set in Badger's head and terrified him.

More than anything, he wanted to go with Crow. Once their leader had set his mind on something it was impossible to change and, if Badger couldn't do that, he wanted to just go with him wherever he was going.

But Badger was not bold or good at expressing himself.

“I'll see ya when I get back?” Crow checked, as he reached the door.

It was a question, not an assumption. That at least proved that Crow had gotten better than what he used to be. Even if it was only slightly better.

“Yeah, I'll... I'll see ya...” replied Badger, trying hard to keep his voice level.

And, with that, Crow was gone. Leaving Badger to sit back in the seat again. Alone in a big room, curling his knees up into his chest and cursing his own timidity. He started to cry a little, rocking himself on the seat for comfort. But that was Badger all over, wasn't it? Weak, stupid, gangly, push-over Badger. All these horrible words that he used to describe himself. And they had to be true, because he couldn't even tell Crow that he wanted to be near him. The thought made him worry too much that Crow might think he's some kind of creeper who needed to cling to him at all times.

And maybe Badger was some kind of creeper...

It was maybe half an hour before the tears started to run dry, leaving him with just silent, heaving sobs. The time allowed him to think, mostly bad things about himself, but also a few bad things about Crow. Because Crow could be so horrible that it was hard not to think bad things about him. As much as Badger wanted to hug the stupid little leader, he also wanted to punch him in the face as well.

Perhaps when Crow comes back Badger could punch him.

That notion makes him giggle strangely into his sobbing. His grand highness making a triumphant return, expecting all of his subjects to be cooing over how much they've missed him, and instead what he gets is Badger giving him a good slap across the face. He'd deserve it.

Maybe by that time Badger would have even grown into a more confident Badger who wasn't afraid to tell Crow not to do stupid stuff. And could also tell Crow that he... well, liked him...

Every time Badger tried to imagine confessing something like that to Crow, his mouth filled up with bile. But not the new, improved Badger. No, the new Badger would just swallow it back and keep his head held high. He wouldn't even care if Crow thought he was a proper weirdo and didn't want anything to... to do with him after that...

...Okay, so probably even the new Badger would get upset by that.

Pulling himself up off the chair, Badger wiped his face clean of the old Badger's lingering tears. Wow, he was actually referring to himself as 'the old Badger' now. Maybe that meant he was serious about changing. Or maybe not. Who knew?

All he did know was that, one way or the other, he'd be waiting for Crow when he got back. Because that's just what loyal Badgers did.